Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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