If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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