Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
