Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize