yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
