kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize