We are two peas in an std pod
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
