I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
