Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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