kristin has been a bad kristin
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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