i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
