Don't make out with my wife yet
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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