Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
