It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
