she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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