I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
