Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
