I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
