It's Friday. Sex?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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