her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He passed out mid-signature
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
