You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
