I'm jealous of your bromance
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think your dad took our porno
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
