I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My balls are so social today.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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