i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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