Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
