We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
