i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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