When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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