I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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