It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think my moral compass just broke
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
