i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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