All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
