Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize