I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
