this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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