So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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