But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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