Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
