I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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