I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm both gender and math confused
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
