I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
