saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
