I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
