margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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