You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she told me i tasted like america
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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