my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
