my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
