you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
