Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
