Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
