I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
