Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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