can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
