Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
