dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
