what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
