How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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