i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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