I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
