fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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