So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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