Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
