Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i already hear my dad disowning me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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