take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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