need another drink. this is the easiest way
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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