this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
