Pants 0. Shit 1.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
