If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
