Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
