K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
