Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
