I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
